I’m not giving up

After my rant on Friday I went into the kitchen and proceeded to throw all the sweets I could find away.  Minus the Belgian chocolates a friend of mine’s mom brought me over from Belgium.

I also realized that I haven’t been true to my readers, or this blog.

I take pictures of the food I eat, but only the food I want to show you.  If I eat something not so good for me.  I won’t take a picture.  So from now on I will take a picture of everything I eat.  I need to hold myself accountable.  I can’t sit here and whine about not losing weight when I eat things that aren’t good for me.  I need to have more will power.  The way that I ate got me to this point, so I need to change the way I eat.  Just because I’m the only one that sees me eat doesn’t mean it doesn’t count.

I binge eat at times.  There are times when I go weeks or months without binge eating, and then there are times that I do it more often.  I’m not proud of the fact that I eat until I’m sick.. or make myself sick.  I eat until I feel guilty about all that I ate.  That I feel disgusted with myself and I get rid of that feeling, by getting rid of the food.  It’s a hard process to stop.  It’s an escape.  I can eat whatever I want and not have it really count.  But do I know how bad that is for myself.  Of course.  I want to stop.  I feel vulnerable typing this.  I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me.  That’s not why I’m writing this.  I want you to know that this battle is far greater than what I actually show to you at times.  And yes, I am getting help with this problem. 

I know why I haven’t been losing weight these past years, because I really didn’t want to.  I wanted to be able to eat good most of the time and cheat some of the times, and I can’t do that.  I need to hold myself accountable.  I need to reevaluate how I eat and what I eat, because obviously how I was eating before wasn’t working.  I’m going to give WW a better try.  I’m going to follow the plan.  I need to put in the hard work to see the results.

I’m not giving up.


13 Responses to “I’m not giving up”

  1. lauravirginia Says:

    You have already taken one big step in the right direction by writing this! It takes a lot of bravery and courage to be so open and transparent. I have a feeling that 99% of bloggers struggle with all sorts of different things that they don’t share with their readers. By nature, we all want to seem like we have it all together, but I feel like everyone would be better off admitting their insecurities and weaknesses. That way, we can all work together and help each other become stronger. I am in the same boat, though. There are definitely things that I struggle with that I am too scared to make public. good for you for taking that huge step! I can tell from the few months that I have been reading your blog that you have already come a long way. Keep it up, and remember that I am here for you if you ever need anything or just need someone to lend a listening ear!

    • kristisn Says:

      Thanks Laura. It was a little scary sharing that with you. I was ashamed of what people might think, but the truth is it’s a part of my journey. It’s one more thing I have to overcome.

  2. Joan Says:

    Just so you know you’re not alone. Your confession just proves you’re like the rest of us. No one is perfect in their journey and this just proves you’re human. Hang in there, you have a lot of company.

    • kristisn Says:

      Thank you so much for your comment and for letting me know I’m not alone. Sometimes it seems like I am since I try to hide so much of this journey from everyone else.

  3. Bekki Says:

    Like Joan said you are not alone- I have struggled with Binge/purge for about 8 years- I have lost and gained and lost again 40lbs…I follow your blog and love that you are going to be accountable- it helps- no need to be ashamed- admittingis the first step-
    I still Have horrible episodes- let me know if I can help!!:)

    • kristisn Says:

      Did you see that I couldn’t even write purge? I feel so ashamed for admitting that, but then I felt so good. I felt like I was really being honest about the struggles that I’m having. It’s not just everything I write about, but so much more behind the scenes.

  4. Jess Says:

    You can do it!! I’m glad you are newly committed, and hopefully showing pics of food will really help you.

  5. Jenn@slim-shoppin Says:

    Kristi! You can do it. A step in the right direction is not bringing in food that will trigger you. I used to buy those pouches of mini oreo cookies “for my kids” and it has 7 servings in it and I could eat the whole bag. Why was I buying them when I had no control over it.

    Set you fridge and pantry up with healthy/quick choices and you will make it.

    I’m on week 2 of using http://www.myfitnesspal.com. (it’s free too!) It’s the easiest site I’ve used to track what I am eating, and I’ve tried WW online tools, live strong.com, calorie count.com, calorieking.com, nutrition data.com and I’ve been able to enter in my stuff every day.

    Thanks for sharing Kristi!!

  6. Alissa Says:

    You will get there! Just be patient with yourself. For me, I had to recognize what emotions were making me eat- and that has been so helpful in stopping the overeating before it happens.

  7. Kacy Says:

    I think it’s so great that you’re able to share that. You CAN do this!

  8. Alina @ Duty Free Foodie Says:

    You can get through this, and you are very brave to have written this post. Don’t be so hard on yourself – we all do what we need to do to cope, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

  9. Khara Says:

    I don’t feel sorry for you in a negative way but in the positive, “I understand and feel for you” way. I over eat at times too and realize I often hate having people know how much I actually eat sometimes even when I joke about it. You are doing well though and I am proud of you for your honesty and seeking help. Hugs!

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