After my rant on Friday I went into the kitchen and proceeded to throw all the sweets I could find away. Minus the Belgian chocolates a friend of mine’s mom brought me over from Belgium.
I also realized that I haven’t been true to my readers, or this blog.
I take pictures of the food I eat, but only the food I want to show you. If I eat something not so good for me. I won’t take a picture. So from now on I will take a picture of everything I eat. I need to hold myself accountable. I can’t sit here and whine about not losing weight when I eat things that aren’t good for me. I need to have more will power. The way that I ate got me to this point, so I need to change the way I eat. Just because I’m the only one that sees me eat doesn’t mean it doesn’t count.
I binge eat at times. There are times when I go weeks or months without binge eating, and then there are times that I do it more often. I’m not proud of the fact that I eat until I’m sick.. or make myself sick. I eat until I feel guilty about all that I ate. That I feel disgusted with myself and I get rid of that feeling, by getting rid of the food. It’s a hard process to stop. It’s an escape. I can eat whatever I want and not have it really count. But do I know how bad that is for myself. Of course. I want to stop. I feel vulnerable typing this. I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me. That’s not why I’m writing this. I want you to know that this battle is far greater than what I actually show to you at times. And yes, I am getting help with this problem.
I know why I haven’t been losing weight these past years, because I really didn’t want to. I wanted to be able to eat good most of the time and cheat some of the times, and I can’t do that. I need to hold myself accountable. I need to reevaluate how I eat and what I eat, because obviously how I was eating before wasn’t working. I’m going to give WW a better try. I’m going to follow the plan. I need to put in the hard work to see the results.
I’m not giving up.