Back in 2009 I had my first panic attack. I was sitting at work one day and I started feeling like I was going to pass out. I sat down in my seat and put my head on the desk. I told my coworker that I didn’t feel good. Laughing she asked if we were going to have to call the ambulance. She knew it was serious when I said I don’t know.
My heart was racing.
My feet were going numb.
My hands were going numb.
I felt like any minute I was going to pass out.
We called the ambulance. I had no idea what was going on with me. All I knew was that I felt like if I shut my eyes I was going to die.
I have never felt fear like I did on that day.
They got me to the hospital where I learned that I had a panic attack which lead to me hyperventilating. Ever since then I have been coping with anxiety every day of my life. I have good weeks and I have bad weeks. It’s something that I struggle with. Along with anxiety I suffer from depression.
I know, I know… this post just keeps getting better and better.
So with these two disorders I take four medications a day to keep myself sane and feeling good for the most part.
Since that day in 2009 I have struggled with figuring out what I need to make life better for myself. And it’s sad to say that I am no closer to figuring it out than I was 3 years ago.
I went to the doctor yesterday to get my blood work results back and everything was good… except my cholesterol. I’m a little surprised about that. I’m not a big red meat eater. I don’t eat eggs that often. I don’t eat fast food too much. Cheese is not a daily part of my life, and for that matter the only dairy I eat is yogurt. I told my doctor that I would get it down on my own.
I went to work and started googling what foods to eat to help anxiety, depression, cholesterol. What foods should I avoid.
I made a list for myself…
I printed out this list and taped it to my cabinet so every time I go into the kitchen I’ll look at it. I don’t want to set myself up for failure. I know that I’m not going to eat everything on the foods to eat side, and I know I won’t stay away from foods to avoid, but won’t every little bit help? I feel like this is the only thing I have control over to help myself. If I can change my diet to help me live better with my anxiety than I would be a fool not to.
With this new found knowledge I made my breakfast reflect the foods to eat side… spinach, whole grain, coconut oil (well, that’s not on the list, but it makes me feel better), and 2 egg whites.
It kept me fueled for the rest of the morning while I cut my grandparent’s grass. This is a new weekly task for me and my Dad and though it puts me away from doing things on my to do list for one of my days off. It feels good helping my grandparents. I can give them a day a week for all the things they have done for me.
I’m probably going to write more about my struggles with my disorders… it’s apart of my daily life so I feel like it should be included in my blog. It’s all a learning process, and finally I am ready to learn.