A little of my history….

Back in 2009 I had my first panic attack.  I was sitting at work one day and I started feeling like I was going to pass out.  I sat down in my seat and put my head on the desk.  I told my coworker that I didn’t feel good.  Laughing she asked if we were going to have to call the ambulance.  She knew it was serious when I said I don’t know.

My heart was racing.

My feet were going numb.

My hands were going numb.

I felt like any minute I was going to pass out.

We called the ambulance.  I had no idea what was going on with me.  All I knew was that I felt like if I shut my eyes I was going to die.

I have never felt fear like I did on that day.

They got me to the hospital where I learned that I had a panic attack which lead to me hyperventilating.  Ever since then I have been coping with anxiety every day of my life.  I have good weeks and I have bad weeks.  It’s something that I struggle with.  Along with anxiety I suffer from depression. 

I know, I know… this post just keeps getting better and better. Winking smile

So with these two disorders I take four medications a day to keep myself sane and feeling good for the most part.

Since that day in 2009 I have struggled with figuring out what I need to make life better for myself.  And it’s sad to say that I am no closer to figuring it out than I was 3 years ago.

I went to the doctor yesterday to get my blood work results back and everything was good… except my cholesterol.  I’m a little surprised about that.  I’m not a big red meat eater.  I don’t eat eggs that often.  I don’t eat fast food too much.  Cheese is not a daily part of my life, and for that matter the only dairy I eat is yogurt.  I told my doctor that I would get it down on my own.

I went to work and started googling what foods to eat to help anxiety, depression, cholesterol.  What foods should I avoid. 

I made a list for myself…

wed 004

I printed out this list and taped it to my cabinet so every time I go into the kitchen I’ll look at it.  I don’t want to set myself up for failure.  I know that I’m not going to eat everything on the foods to eat side, and I know I won’t stay away from foods to avoid, but won’t every little bit help?  I feel like this is the only thing I have control over to help myself.  If I can change my diet to help me live better with my anxiety than I would be a fool not to.

With this new found knowledge I made my breakfast reflect the foods to eat side… spinach, whole grain, coconut oil (well, that’s not on the list, but it makes me feel better), and 2 egg whites.

wed 001

So delicious.

It kept me fueled for the rest of the morning while I cut my grandparent’s grass.  This is a new weekly task for me and my Dad and though it puts me away from doing things on my to do list for one of my days off.  It feels good helping my grandparents.  I can give them a day a week for all the things they have done for me.

I’m probably going to write more about my struggles with my disorders… it’s apart of my daily life so I feel like it should be included in my blog.  It’s all a learning process, and finally I am ready to learn.

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10 Responses to “A little of my history….”

  1. Lori Says:

    I’m looking forward to reading more about your disorder. It will be beneficial to not only yourself, but also those out there reading that may be suffering from the same.

    Also I LOVE that you take care of your Grandparents! It shows the kind of person you are – a caring one.

    And you with your coconut oil – LOL

    • kristisn Says:

      Thanks so much for saying that. My grandparent’s mean the world to me and I love that there is something I can do to help them out.

  2. Laura Says:

    I love the idea of the list you made… one thing I might do is list on one side the foods I want to eat and on the other side, list the way I will feel if I eat them. Words like healthy, strong, energetic, vibrant, happy, calm, etc.

    • kristisn Says:

      I keep a notebook too of things I eat and how they make me feel. Especially if it’s something not that great for me and I feel bad afterwards I definitely write it down so the next time I think I want it, I can look and see how bad it made me feel.

  3. Khara Says:

    Every little bit does count. You can do it. And keep up that awesome motivation to exercise because that helps too! You’re off to a good start my dear.

  4. IHeartVegetables Says:

    Wow, it sounds like you’re really working hard!! That’s awesome! Every little bit counts. Hang in there!

  5. JoNita Says:

    That looks good. I feel that eggs for breakfast are a good fuel booster in the morning. When I don’t eat them, I get hungry earlier. Great job for trying to get healthier. Eating certain foods and not eating certain foods really makes a difference in how you feel. Keep it up 🙂

    • kristisn Says:

      Thanks. I hope that making changes in my diet will help improve the way that I feel. I’ve been feeling a little too blah these days.

  6. workingmomworksout Says:

    Good for you! Taking for responsibility for your own health isn’t easy.

    Breakfast looks yum and healthy, too!

    • kristisn Says:

      Thanks! It’s not easy, but I have to take control of what I can. I don’t have any excuse when I know I can do certain things to improve my health.


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