do you trust yourself?

I had a post all written today… about the one thing that I don’t talk about a lot on my blog, but one of the things that mean so much to me.


Ahhh…yes.  Love.  It’s in the title of my blog.  It’s one of the things that I need to make my life feel balanced, but it’s the one thing that I don’t have a lot of.  Besides loving my daughter, my family, and my friends… there’s no love to be seen.

I was going to tell you how I don’t trust easily.

How I have built a wall brick by brick so that know one would be able to get to my heart.

That I do not trust.

That I have been hurt too many times before.

And then something hit me.

I was reading Tina’s post today, and I realize it’s me that I don’t trust.

I don’t trust myself.

I don’t trust myself to not overeat.

I don’t trust myself to make the right food choices.

I don’t trust that I can be a runner.

I don’t trust that I can lose the weight that I want to lose.

I don’t trust that I won’t binge and purge.

I don’t trust that I will choose the salad over the fried chicken.

I don’t trust that I will pick the right guy.

I don’t trust that I will allow myself to feel loved and to be loved.

Food is one of my biggest loves… but it’s also one of my worst fears.

I fear food like I fear a broke heart.

I have had a love/hate relationship with food since I can remember. 

When I was a teenager I would eat an orange a day, and then go run five miles so that I could be thin.

I have overate and purged because the guilt was too extreme.

I have looked in the mirror and picked out every flaw I could find.

I loved to eat, but I hated the way it made me feel.

What I realized today is that I need to learn to trust myself.  I need to learn to listen.  I will not steer myself wrong and I need to have faith in that.  I need to realize that I will make the decisions that are best for ME, no one else.

I need to trust that I appreciate my body so much more now, that I won’t be destructive to it.

I am slowly learning.


I am slowly healing.

And I am slowly learning to love myself again.


13 Responses to “do you trust yourself?”

  1. Kat Says:

    Lady, this was so powerful to read. I know that for me, personally, trusting myself is a daily struggle.

    • kristisn Says:

      It’s an everyday struggle for me, too. But these things are things that I didn’t even realize about myself. Trusting myself I think is the biggest thing I need to work on.

  2. Kat Says:

    p.s. That top you asked about is Trina Turk – it’s swim cover-up that I wear as a tunic that I found on the final sale rack at TJ Maxx. Jackpot.

  3. IHeartVegetables Says:

    Loving yourself is super important! I’m glad you’re getting on the right track! I know it can be really hard, and I struggle with a lot of the same stuff that you mentioned. Honestly, the blog world has been a great support system to help me accept who I am!

    • kristisn Says:

      This blog world has opened me up to so many different people and things. I’m so glad that I started my blog, and started reading all of the other blogs out there. It’s really given me the push I needed to make the right changes.

  4. workingmomworksout Says:

    That’s a big realization. I’ve been there and still have days when I’m there. You’re on the right path, though.

  5. SheFIt Says:

    WOW! This is such an inspirational post. Definitely something I need to write out and place somewhere that I can read daily. Fear and trust is something that I definitely struggle with.

    • kristisn Says:

      Thank you. That means a lot to me. I just decided that I’m going to write whatever it is that comes to my mind. No more holding back.

  6. Andie @ CanYouStayForDinner Says:

    I adore this post. You are beautiful for knowing yourself and what more you want of life 🙂

  7. Mary @ Bites and Bliss Says:

    Wow, this was beautiful. And very brave of you to open up like this! I used to suffer from the same thoughts, especially aobut know, about not trusting to pick the right guy and all. But once I learned to trust myself..not to live by perfection, but to trust myself within my imperfections, that I’m living for myself, my health, and my happiness…then everything else fell into place.

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