Keep it moving

It gets a little better everyday, or so I try to tell myself.

As I try to finish up the little bits of leftovers I have around my house I decided that breakfast would have to have a little pumpkin in it.  I had a sample of Coach’s Oats to use… so with that I made my first ever pumpkin oatmeal.  I tossed in a few glazed walnuts and a little pumpkin pie spice.  It was quite good, quite filling, and quite what I needed to start off my day.

I may have added a little spoonful of homemade whip cream... that I want to use up of course.

After dropping Justine off at school I did a much better job of going to Curves and actually working out.  I got a pretty good work out in for a little over 30 mins.  I’ll be adding in my treadmill runs, and my 30 day Shred, but thought I would add them back in slowly and not feel like I have to do everything all at once.

I’ve been on a mission to keep myself moving.  I could easily get lost in the corner of my couch with my blanket, pillow, and remote so I can access all my dvr recordings, but of course, I can’t do that.  I still have a home to take care of, a daughter to love, and I still have to live.  So I managed to do a few things like straighten up the living room getting it ready for the Christmas tree.  I did some laundry, and cooked some dinner, dishes soon followed.

For lunch I had a third of this yummy, but easy frozen California BBq Chicken Pizza.

You can't go wrong with pizza

There have been a few times that I have broken down and cried through out the day.  Not for any particular reason, just because I’m hurting.  I wish there was a magic wand that i could wave that would take all this pain away. But I know there’s no magic wand, there’s really no magic pill, there’s me.  I have to dig myself out of this dark place and back into the light.  I’m sure I’ll learn so much about myself throughout this time, and I’m sure I’ll come out so much stronger than before.

I did make myself some dinner before I had to head into work.  I might not be making the most creative things, or even the healthiest, but it’s a start.

I had these Gorton’s frozen shrimp

These shrimps are pretty good and easy to prepare. Throw them in a little oil and saute them for about 12 minutes.

I roasted some acorn squash, and heated up some Uncle Ben’s Cajun rice and my meal was set.

A perfect dinner. I ❤ you acorn squash!

For a little somethin to munch on while I was at work I brought some plain greek yogurt, blueberries, a little coconut, white choco chips, and almond slivers.  That is one of my favorite snacks right now.  It has so many flavor combinations.

And for dessert…. two of Mama Pea’s Peanut butter cookie dough balls.

Who can be sad when they have two of these babies for dessert.

I’m looking forward to my two days off… even though it’s Tuesday, it’s my Friday.  Woot woot!

And can I just tell you… the goods are starting to be dropped off in our office our ready.  As everyone was chomping down on chocolate chip cookies, I passed knowing I had better cookies for later.  A year ago I would have probably had a few of these cookies, and a few of those cookies…. that’s something to be proud of right?

It’s a start

Thank you all so much for your supportive comments.  I love knowing that there are people everywhere willing to read my blog, and show their support when I am down.  There’s not a better feeling.  I woke up today and felt a little better, and a little is better than nothing right?  I was determined that I was going to make today productive, and not allow my day to go to waste with all the negativity that has been surrounding me.  So for breakfast I ate two chocolate banana muffins with 1/2 tbs mighty maple peanut butter on top.

These were a delicious way to start the day

After dropping Justine off at school I headed over to Curves to get a workout in since I don’t think I’ve seen any exercise in over a week!  The shame.  As soon as I walked through the door the electricity went out, so I left.  I’ll try again tomorrow. 

I started wrapping Christmas presents today, mainly so I could make my way to the Christmas decorations in the back of my closet.  I pulled and pushed all of my bins of decorations and felt like I got a mini workout in.  I’m leaving the decorations until I’m home with Justine and we both can decorate together.  And truthfully… I’m not in the holiday spirit just yet.  I want to be, but it seems like there’s this black cloud hanging over the month of December, but I’m going to try my hardest and get it to move on.

Lunch is a little embarrassing 🙂 I couldn’t even bring myself to take a picture of it, but I’ll let you in on my little secret… I had a piece of fried chicken and fries.  So not good for me, but it was leftovers and the last piece, so at least it’s out of my house.  My face is red with embarrassment.  Hahaha.

That was my day in a nut shell.  I had to head into work this afternoon, and can I just tell you… I hate being in the car by myself right now.  My mind goes a mile a minute, and sometimes I just want it to stop.  It’s like I’m scared to be alone with my thoughts… I know it sounds crazy… I try to blare my music to drown out everything else.

I need some happy songs to put on my Ipod.  Any suggestions?  What songs do you listen to that will lift your mood when your down?

Dinner tonight was a yummy salad.  I had some produce that I needed to use up so I had romaine, carrots, tomatoes, and onions… a little chicken on top and some Sesame Ginger Dressing.  If I haven’t said it before, I love salad 🙂

Yummm...

Chicken!

So my food hasn’t been too great today.  I’m mainly trying to use up leftovers and all.  I haven’t been to the grocery store in about 2 weeks, so I’ll definitely need to go soon.  When I get in my rut, I seem to lose all sense of order in my life.  I forget how to plan my meals, and track my food… so this week my goal is just to get back on track.  To get myself balanced, because you know if you can get one thing right the rest will follow.

Here are a few pictures of my past weekend…

Holiday lights in Va Beach

 

Volcano

View from the car

 

View from our room

And I think this is the sweetest thing….

Someone wrote I love U Forever in the sand

And finally my little Justine enjoying the Va Beach aquarium

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. -Helen Keller

A peak inside

First, I want to apologize for this post. 

The past few days have been really rough… starting with Thanksgiving.  What started out as a happy holiday spent with family ended in tears, heart ache, and wounds that I just don’t know how long will take to heal.  As I sit reading all of your blogs recapping your holiday and the joy that you all experienced I am left with an ache in my heart.  I had planned on recapping on the day the foods that we ate, which was plentiful, and sharing pictures of smiling faces I just can’t bring myself to post any pictures knowing the way things turn out.  I know all families have their share of fights, and I know that as a family we’ll pull through, but right now it is so hard.

I haven’t mentioned this before, but right now I feel the need to share something with you all, because I know that I won’t be looked at any different than before.  I suffer from depression.  It’s something I have dealt with for a long time, and sometimes it’s a struggle.  I am on medication for it, and most times I feel like it’s under control.  I live my life, and am usually an upbeat and positive person, but when things in my life go wrong it seems to threw me off-balance.  

We went to Va Beach to see the Holiday Lights that are set up on the beach.  They are beautiful and if you’re not in the Christmas spirit you will be after driving through all those lights.  I took pictures and will hopefully post them soon.  I can’t say it was the most enjoyable trip with my family due to the night before, but I’m glad I went.  My daughter had a great time.

And now today I sit here feeling lost.  I feel an ache that I just can’t get rid of.  I can’t sit and post my eats when I am feeling the way I do.  I hope to go to sleep tonight and wake up feeling  a little more at peace.  I wish I could shut off all the thought racing through my head, and the replaying of the events of the past few days. 

I’m sorry guys to be the downer of the day, but I feel like this is now my outlet.  I love blogging.  I love sharing my thoughts, the good and the bad. 

I hope to be back tomorrow with a more positive post, but  for now I just want to say… thanks for listening.