My weekend through food

I don’t have too many weekend pictures to recap, since I worked all weekend Crying face… hahaha…. I know, I know.  I’ve said that one too many times.  Actually I still had a great weekend.  I caught the holiday weekend vibe just by being around everyone else Smile And I still got to spend some extra time with the family and see friends that I haven’t seen for a while.  I do however have some weekend eats to share with you….

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I have jumped on the pancakes bandwagon.  I love having these things for breakfast, and not just on the weekends.  I like having them everyday.  I actually cooked some pancakes for me and Justine tonight so we have some to last us the next few days.

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I had a free coupon for a McDonald’s frozen strawberry lemonade.  I didn’t really like it the first time I tried it, but being I had a coupon… I just had to use it.  And then I thought how good it would be with a little coconut rum.  Of course it was fantastic.

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Nothing says holiday weekend to me like a bbq chicken dinner that a church was selling.  Chicken, beans, coleslaw… I was in heaven.  This is the 3rd Saturday in a row that I’ve had bbg chicken.  Can you say addict?

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I also finished off the last of my Easter Reese’s eggs.  They lasted me over a month….I’m impressed with that Smile

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More Pancakes!  These were topped with Justin’s Chocolate Hazelnut butter.  Can you believe this was my first time trying Justin’s!  Oh yes.  I’m in love.

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I made some coffee so I could get it cold for some iced coffee.  The only thing that sucks about having only a Keurig and Tassimo coffee maker is that it makes 1 cup at a time.

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Do I have to say anything more????

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OIAJ!!!  This was my breakfast today.  I tried something new and cooked the oatmeal, before putting it in the peanut butter jar… and oh my goodness.  It was fabulous.  Before when I made OIAJ I would eat the oats cold, but not anymore.  I can’t wait for another empty jar of pb.

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And for dinner tonight… leftover from The Melting Pot!!!  That has to be my fav restaurant, but it is quite expensive.  Thankfully I found a coupon and both my mother and I had gift cards which helped with about half the bill.  The food is fantastic, and I love how you sit for a four course meal.  I’ve never had leftovers before, but last night it just seemed like so much food.  I cooked it up and brought it home.  It’s even delicious the next day.

So there you have my eats from the weekend.

Even though today was jammed packed it turned out to be a great day. 

Tomorrow I’m planning on staying home and getting some stuff done around the house.  I actually have my day planned out by the hour.  I think my scheduling is getting a little out of hand Smile

do you trust yourself?

I had a post all written today… about the one thing that I don’t talk about a lot on my blog, but one of the things that mean so much to me.

Love

Ahhh…yes.  Love.  It’s in the title of my blog.  It’s one of the things that I need to make my life feel balanced, but it’s the one thing that I don’t have a lot of.  Besides loving my daughter, my family, and my friends… there’s no love to be seen.

I was going to tell you how I don’t trust easily.

How I have built a wall brick by brick so that know one would be able to get to my heart.

That I do not trust.

That I have been hurt too many times before.

And then something hit me.

I was reading Tina’s post today, and I realize it’s me that I don’t trust.

I don’t trust myself.

I don’t trust myself to not overeat.

I don’t trust myself to make the right food choices.

I don’t trust that I can be a runner.

I don’t trust that I can lose the weight that I want to lose.

I don’t trust that I won’t binge and purge.

I don’t trust that I will choose the salad over the fried chicken.

I don’t trust that I will pick the right guy.

I don’t trust that I will allow myself to feel loved and to be loved.

Food is one of my biggest loves… but it’s also one of my worst fears.

I fear food like I fear a broke heart.

I have had a love/hate relationship with food since I can remember. 

When I was a teenager I would eat an orange a day, and then go run five miles so that I could be thin.

I have overate and purged because the guilt was too extreme.

I have looked in the mirror and picked out every flaw I could find.

I loved to eat, but I hated the way it made me feel.

What I realized today is that I need to learn to trust myself.  I need to learn to listen.  I will not steer myself wrong and I need to have faith in that.  I need to realize that I will make the decisions that are best for ME, no one else.

I need to trust that I appreciate my body so much more now, that I won’t be destructive to it.

I am slowly learning.

 

I am slowly healing.

And I am slowly learning to love myself again.

a random love story

***Warning*** This is kind of a random post. Smile

I was sitting at work today thinking about my favorite stores, like Target that has everything.

Which lead me to think about if I was ever stuck in a store, what store would I want to be stuck in… Target.

Does anyone remember the movie Where The Heart Is?

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Natalie Portman plays a girl who ends up pregnant.  Her mean and nasty boyfriend leaves her at the Wal-Mart and with no where to go she ends up living inside of the Wal-Mart.  She kept track of everything she used there, I guess thinking that she would pay the store back.  She ends up going into labor in the Wal-Mart, and thankfully a guy liked her and had been watching her going into the store and ends up saving her.  When Justine was little she would watch this movie almost everyday.  Now when it’s on TV I get excited and she tells me to turn it cause it’s boring.  Ahhh… growing up… got to love it.

No offense Wal-Mart, but I would’ve walked until I found a Target.  I just ❤ Target.

We’ve been having a love affair for a very long time.

It all began when I started working there for the summer when I was fresh out of high school.  I was a cashier, and being a cashier I got to see all the things being rung up for really cheap prices.  Then during my breaks I would stroll around the store locating all the treasures hidden in the store.

Clearance+discounts= happy Kristi

It was because of my time working there that I began to have a system on how to shop in Target.

Does anyone else have a system when they go shopping?

1) Check out the dollar section located in the front of the store.

2) Next go by children’s clothing and hit up the clearance racks.  Poor Justine doesn’t get clothes unless they are marked down.  I send her to third grade in last season’s clothes.  *hanging my head* I’m so ashamed.

3) Onto shoes.  Most of the shoes I own have been purchased from Target for under $10.  I do have a few pair of shoes that may have been like $12, $15, or $50, but don’t tell Justine.  I bought these shoes with the money that I saved from buying her clothes on clearance. Winking smile

4) Women’s clothing… I only look at the 50% to 75% off racks.  Some days I feel like scouring the racks.  Other days I just glance seeing if anything jumps out at me.

5) I swing by the baby section.  Though I don’t have a baby anymore I still like to see what deals are to be had.  Don’t ask me why.. I’m curious.

Next my system gets tricky.. do I go to electronics or toys?  I start thinking that whatever section I don’t pick I will miss some crazy deal that someone walking through a few minutes before me will find.  Don’t say it.  I know I have a problem.

6) I scurry to electronics looking for their DS or Wii games.  I’m telling you, you can find the best deals there.  My closet is full of games for my niece and nephew for their birthday’s and Christmas.  I love when I start crossing people off the Christmas list before summer.

7) I have to back track a little to get back to get to the toy section hitting up a few end caps of clearance items.  Come to think of it Justine only gets toys that are on clearance too.  Poor girl.

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I think this is a picture of her crying because she couldn’t get any toys cause nothing good was marked down.

8) Next up seasonal.. depending if it’s the beginning or ending of the seasonal items depends on if your going to see those magic red stickers.  I do a drive by.

9) I circle the home goods section because you can never have too many towels, blankets, rugs, picture frames, or organizing bins that if it says the write price it will end up in my cart.

10)  I swing by stationary.

11) Hit up the food sections clearance… sometimes they have the best items there.

By this time I’m panting from running around the store trying to get to each department before anyone else, that I have just enough energy to check out.

At least I’m walking out the door with a smile on my face.

 

like any other day

Today is like any other day for me.

It’s not my Friday, it’s actually my Monday at work.

I don’t have a three day weekend.  My job is a 365 day a week job.  You don’t get holidays off unless it falls on your day off, or you take it off.

I don’t have any big Memorial Day plans, since… I have to work.

Though I wasn’t looking forward to today like everyone else was.  I still wanted to feel like it was a “Friday night”.

For dinner I made one of the best pizzas I ever made.  I started off with brushing the crust with olive oil and then mincing garlic.  I spread it evenly around the crust before topping it with onion and tomato.  I had a little bit of the barbecue chicken left so I threw that on there.  A little spinach and mozzarella… omg.  I’m going to pat myself on the back and say good job.

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Ready to cook.

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Nice and bubbly.

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Ready to eat with a glass Cabernet Franc.

It was love at first bite.  Red heart

While the pizza was cooking I thought I would prepare breakfast for in the morning.

I had bought this pancake mix at World Market

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and thought it would be perfect for tomorrow’s breakfast.  I through a little protein powder in the mix to make it a little more filling.  I’ve seen protein pancakes throughout the blogosphere and thought they looked fantastic.  Next time I’ll make mine from scratch.

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That’s enough to get me by for a few days.

After I had finished my pizza and made my pancake I really wanted something…. good.  Dessert good that is.  I went through all of my recipes and found Jessica’s Whole Wheat Chocolate Chip Cookie Bowls.  Don’t tell Jessica but I subbed the 1 stick of butter for 1/2 cup butter and 1/4 cup applesauce.  I also used three different kinds of chips.  The recipe calls for 3/4 chocolate chips, but I used 1/4 milk chocolate, 1/4 white chocolate, and 1/4 butterscotch.

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Making this meant I got to use my ramekins for the first time!

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Now I’m off to enjoy my dessert.

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Make me jealous… What are your memorial day plans???

I’ve got the secret

I’ve got the secret to feeling refreshed in the morning…

Get 10 hours of sleep!

Hahaha.  I don’t get that kind of sleep that often, but last night I was just tuckered out.  I ended up going to sleep about 9 and getting up at 7.  I felt good when I woke up.  I had been feeling so tired the past few days, and I hated that feeling.  I hate feeling like I have no energy.  I guess what I have figured out is that I need sleep.  I am not one of those people that can get by on 4, 5, or 6 hours of sleep.  I need more like 7,8, 9, or 10.  So on the days that I am able to get that much… I’ll be going to sleep before the sun goes down. Winking smile

Breakfast this morning was delicious.  I had oatmeal with 1 oz. walnuts, a tbsp. of white chocolate chips and just a pinch of shredded coconut.

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Oatmeal is good to lower cholesterol because it contains soluble fiber, which reduces the “bad” cholesterol.  According to the Mayo Clinic soluble fiber can reduce the absorption of cholesterol into your blood stream.

Walnuts are another good way to reduce cholesterol.  According to the FDA eating about a handful (1.5 oz.) may reduce your risk of heart disease.    Walnuts are also good to help fight off depression.  Score! 2 for 1.

My white chocolate chip and coconut are just added bonus because they taste so good together.

Exercise!

Today I did the Get Ripped DVD.  This one is different than the Ripped in 1,000 because the Ripped in 1,000 incorporates cardio into the mix.  Get Ripped is just weights and legs.  My arms and legs were shaking during this DVD.  It felt so good to work my muscles and to feel the burn.  I love the Ripped in 1,000 DVD, but I think I will be switching to the Get Ripped DVD  on my strength days.  Since I was slacking the past two days on my exercising I hopped on the treadmill and walked for 30 minutes while watching a DVR episode of The Real Housewives of New York.  I got to say that making myself walk to watch a show is great motivation.  It felt good to get my exercising done.

Question:  Does anyone know a good yoga DVD?  I want one of my days to be a rest day, but on the day I really want a low key DVD that stretches me out and relaxes me.  Anyone have any suggestions?

After working out I made myself a little snack.  I had garlic hummus and added some hot sauce to it.  OMG… that stuff is good.

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I paired it up with Food Should Taste Good Multigrain tortilla chips.  Heaven!  If you like hot sauce you’ll love this hummus combo.

I did get a few things done on my to do list, but do you know which one keeps getting put on my to do list and never getting crossed off.  Scrub the floors!  For whatever reason I am dreading that chore.  I know it won’t take me that long if I would just do it, but the thought of moving everything, sweeping, scrubbing, moving everything back… Yawn.  One of these days I’ll just do it and then think to myself “Now that wasn’t so bad”.

Is there any chore that you dread?

Lunch… lunch delicious.  It’s probably going to be better than dinner.. whatever that may be.

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Last night Justine, myself, and my guy went to a local seafood place.  There food is always so good.  I got broiled tilapia, a baked potato and a house salad.  It was so good, and so filling.  I had to take a piece of the tilapia and some of the baked potato home… which brings me to lunch.  I grilled an ear of corn and had leftovers for lunch.  Yum!

It’s only mid- day, but I got to say so far it’s been a day filled with great eats! 

I hope the rest of the day stays so good Smile

A little of my history….

Back in 2009 I had my first panic attack.  I was sitting at work one day and I started feeling like I was going to pass out.  I sat down in my seat and put my head on the desk.  I told my coworker that I didn’t feel good.  Laughing she asked if we were going to have to call the ambulance.  She knew it was serious when I said I don’t know.

My heart was racing.

My feet were going numb.

My hands were going numb.

I felt like any minute I was going to pass out.

We called the ambulance.  I had no idea what was going on with me.  All I knew was that I felt like if I shut my eyes I was going to die.

I have never felt fear like I did on that day.

They got me to the hospital where I learned that I had a panic attack which lead to me hyperventilating.  Ever since then I have been coping with anxiety every day of my life.  I have good weeks and I have bad weeks.  It’s something that I struggle with.  Along with anxiety I suffer from depression. 

I know, I know… this post just keeps getting better and better. Winking smile

So with these two disorders I take four medications a day to keep myself sane and feeling good for the most part.

Since that day in 2009 I have struggled with figuring out what I need to make life better for myself.  And it’s sad to say that I am no closer to figuring it out than I was 3 years ago.

I went to the doctor yesterday to get my blood work results back and everything was good… except my cholesterol.  I’m a little surprised about that.  I’m not a big red meat eater.  I don’t eat eggs that often.  I don’t eat fast food too much.  Cheese is not a daily part of my life, and for that matter the only dairy I eat is yogurt.  I told my doctor that I would get it down on my own.

I went to work and started googling what foods to eat to help anxiety, depression, cholesterol.  What foods should I avoid. 

I made a list for myself…

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I printed out this list and taped it to my cabinet so every time I go into the kitchen I’ll look at it.  I don’t want to set myself up for failure.  I know that I’m not going to eat everything on the foods to eat side, and I know I won’t stay away from foods to avoid, but won’t every little bit help?  I feel like this is the only thing I have control over to help myself.  If I can change my diet to help me live better with my anxiety than I would be a fool not to.

With this new found knowledge I made my breakfast reflect the foods to eat side… spinach, whole grain, coconut oil (well, that’s not on the list, but it makes me feel better), and 2 egg whites.

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So delicious.

It kept me fueled for the rest of the morning while I cut my grandparent’s grass.  This is a new weekly task for me and my Dad and though it puts me away from doing things on my to do list for one of my days off.  It feels good helping my grandparents.  I can give them a day a week for all the things they have done for me.

I’m probably going to write more about my struggles with my disorders… it’s apart of my daily life so I feel like it should be included in my blog.  It’s all a learning process, and finally I am ready to learn.

Little to none

This morning I could tell my energy level was little to none.  I’m not sure what my problem is, but for the past two days all I feel like doing is napping.  I haven’t, but that’s how tired I am.

My morning started out like most… I had a green monster for breakfast.  I used the last of the bananas, so tomorrow I will have to come up with a different breakfast.

I took Justine to school, came home and circled my house about 50 times trying to figure out what I wanted to do.  Truth is I didn’t want to do anything.

Maybe I’ve had so many productive days lately that’s it worn me out. Smile

Or maybe it’s the fact that I go to the doctor this afternoon to get the results of my blood work I got done last week.  I always get nervous when it comes to doctors.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t had my coffee this morning.  I made a cup and then decided to let it get cold so I can make some iced coffee before I leave today.

Or maybe it’s just one of those days.

Even though I didn’t want to I got out my exercise equipment, put the DVD on and started working out.  But when I was only 10 minutes into the workout and my arms felt like they couldn’t move and my feet were glued to the floor I decided today needs to be a rest day.  I don’t like rest days right now, because I feel like tomorrow I could do the same thing.  But at least I put the effort in and tried.

Whatever the cause of my sleepiness is… I don’t like it.  I like feeling like I have energy.  I like getting things done.  I like getting my exercising in.

I did get my food for work ready.

For snack I packed some raspberry yogurt with coconut granola.  That stuff is amazing.  I look forward to snack time just so I can eat that granola.  If you haven’t made it, I suggest that you make it now.  I’ll understand if you stop reading my blog right now to go make it.

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I think I can honestly say that this is the best granola I have ever had.

Saturday after I got home from the wine festival I decided to get some barbecue for the place up the street from my house.  I think I’m addicted. Confused smile  There bbq chicken, baked beans, greens… everything is so good.  Plus I’ll have meals for a few days afterwards.  Dinner tonight, of course, will be bbq.

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Doesn’t that look good??  The mac and cheese is leftovers that I’m trying to use up.  I honestly can’t wait for dinner.

I had a question about the Jay Robb nutritional stats so I just wanted to answer that.  I don’t have the cashew-coconut one anymore but I do have peanut butter and a brownie one so I’m going to use those.  They seem pretty close together.

1 bar has:

220 calories

11 grams fat

23 carbs

5 fiber

9 sugars

2 sugar alcohol

14 protein

I hope that helps.  I’ll be letting you know how the other flavors taste as soon as I try them.

What do you do when your energy seems little to none?