Mondaaayyyyy

Wow…. it’s been almost a week since I blogged.  Last week was pretty rough, and instead of writing one depressing post after another I decided to not blog.  I didn’t stop reading all of your blogs, but I just didn’t have it in me to sit and write.  I didn’t have it any me to care or keep track of what I ate.  I hit my bottom last week.  The bottom where you realize your not going to continue waking up every morning unhappy.  Only you have control of your happiness.  No one else is going to care that you’re sitting at home crying every night.  No one else is going to make you happy, but you.  You have the power to be happy, and that’s what I had to realize.

This morning I woke up to a green monster.

I got Unsweetened Coconut Milk at the store last time I was there, so I needed to a little something to sweeten it up just a bit.

Coconut Nectar

I just used a little of the nectar, which doesn’t taste like coconut at all, and it sweetened my green smoothie right up.  Yum!  I had never seen Coconut nectar before, but wanted to try something a little different. 

My snack today was a little of the same…

Plain greek yogurt, banana, and glazed walnuts

And for lunch… I made the cookinfanatic’s Black Bean and Chorizo Stew (http://cookinfanatic.wordpress.com/2010/12/28an-epicurean-kinda-night/)  WordPress isn’t letting me insert a link into the post, so I’m just adding the address.

I began by sauteing an onion.  The recipe also called for green peppers, but since I didn’t have any I made the recipe without.  I’m trying to use up the ingredients I have on hand, and not buy too many other things right now.

Next up…

Add the chorizo and garlic.  I removed the casings from the chorizo and crumbled it before adding it the pan.  Do you know I think this is my first time removing the casing from anything… I felt a little bit proud when I did it.  🙂

Then add a can of drained black beans, cumin, red pepper flakes, and salt and pepper.

Add the chicken stock and cook for 20 minutes.

I had some soup and leftover tortilla chips for lunch.  It was the perfect combination.

The weather was beautiful this morning, but is now looking like the sky is going to open up in a down pour at any moment.  I love thunderstorms… how about you??

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Where Did the Weekend Go??

I blinked my eyes and the weekend was over 😦

I have to start with Friday… National Wine Day and you know that I participated in that.

I have no pics from Friday...so here is a flasback

 Saturday I spent the day with Justine.  We had an eye doctor’s appointments first thing in the morning.  Justine was hoping that she would get glasses, which she didn’t.  When the eye doctor told her that her eyes were fine she got a really teary eyed.  I had to explain to her that not having to wear glasses can be a good thing.  I had to get a new pair.  The pair that I had gotten a few years ago were actually the wrong prescription.  Good thing I don’t wear them too often.

Next we headed to Famous Dave’s to have lunch with one of my friends, Karen.  We’ve been friends since the 8th grade…. over half my life.  I don’t go to Famous Dave’s too often, but every once in a while I’ll get a craving for some meat.  Does anyone watch Man V. Food?  I watch it every once in a while and one time saw the host Adam Richmond eating some brisket and ever since then I wanted some.  I had never had brisket before.  I ordered a lunch combo that consisted of a little bit of brisket, 2 ribs, 2 corn muffins, and some fries.  Needless  to say it was both my lunch and dinner.  I’m also happy to report that after eating brisket, I don’t think I would want it again.  It was fatty.  And it didn’t look like the brisket Adam had.  I think he was in Texas… maybe that’s where I need to go.

Next up we went to Target for a little shopping.  I love our Super Target.  It never really seems to be overly packed even on the weekends.  I did a little damage to the wallet, but was all things that I had on my list for a while.

And finally we hit up Cold Stone to get some ice cream to go.  I think we went  a little over board.  This is now what my freezer looks like.

And then there was Sunday.  I worked during the day, and am now getting everything ready for tomorrow.  I’m also counting down the hours until I can go to sleep. 

It was a pretty good weekend, all except for I caught my guy friend in a lie and am not sure what to do.  The lie was pretty miniscule, but if someone were to lie about something so small, doesn’t that say something about their character?  I’m a little hurt.  I refused to let this person in out of fear of getting hurt.  I pushed and pushed for two months not wanting to start anything, and slowly he broke me down.  I must say this past week I really started falling… and then bam. He lied.  Now I’m stuck.  What to do, what to do.  I’m sure the answer will come to me.  I just need to give it time, but how I wish that people could just act right…. just once.

Hello Friends

Hello friends!  So sorry I had to take a few day hiatus from blogging.  I just didn’t feel that taking pictures and tracking my food where what I needed to be using the little energy I had for.

I’m doing a lot better, than the few previous blogs.

I’m sleeping a little more than usual, taking naps during the day, but if that’s what my body needs that is what I will give.

I realized that I deserve to be happy.  That by making myself miserable stressing over all that I was, I was the one contributing to the feeling of despair that I had.

Everyone’s elses lives go on, why should I allow mine to stop?

Soooo… I feel like this time in my life is a transition period.  I’m transiting from the old me, to the new me and I hope you will continue to stay with me through all the ups and downs.

Food today…

Nothing has changed breakfast wise.  I still am enjoying my green monsters.

My snacks for the day consisted of

Strawberry w/Nature Valley Nut Clusters

pretzels w/ spinach artichoke hummus

Grapes

For lunch I finished up my Coconut Spinach Shrimp Soup with a piece of bread.

Dinner will be leftover spaghetti with Bolognese sauce.

This has been a week of trying to finish up leftovers.  I’m almost there 🙂

And for dessert a square of Lindt dark chocolate with sea salt.  And yes, I’m satisfied with a square.  So good.

And I might have a few of these

My new addiction.  I try to make myself eat just over serving a day.  Sometimes it works, other times well…..

My excitement yesterday consisted of getting this huge jar of peanut butter from Target for $1.89!

Score! I love finding deals.

Today is my Friday at work… YESSSSS! 

The weather has been beautiful.

I can’t ask for anything more 🙂

Italian Sunday

So I woke up this morning determined that today was going to be a better day.

I had two meals that I was going to cook.  The first one was a recipe that I got out of the All You magazine, Slow-Cooker Bolognese Sauce.  I was excited to get the crock pot out and having a meal cooking all day.  I stopped by the grocery store to get some Italian bread.  I invited my friends Erin and Kris and their kids, and my friend Stacy.  I felt like it was going to be a good Sunday.  A big dinner with friends and family ala those Sunday Italian dinners, where you just have everyone around you.  I need people around me.

For the Bolognese Sauce…

I chopped a carrot, a ccelery stalk, and onions.

Melt a tbs of butter and cook everything from above picture for 5 minutes on medium heat.

Add ground beef, and turn heat to high.  Cook until the beef is no longer pink, about five minutes.

Next up add a cup of milk and a cup of white wine…bring to a boil.  Lower heat and cook at a lively simmer until most of the liquid has evaporated, about 15 mintues.

Transfer to a slow cooker, add 2 28 oz cans of crushed tomoatoes and let it simmer for the next 8 hours.

I knew what has been missing from my mornings and decided to make a Green Monster.  I haven’t had one in maybe a week and I knew that a Green Monster would make everything better.

Sorry for the ugly hair 🙂

Next up I made the garlic butter for the bread.

1 stick butter, 3 cloves garlic, and a few Italian spices

I blended it in a food processor to make a quick garlic spread.

I cleaned up the dining room, cleaned off the table so that the only center piece was the pink roses that were delivered to me on Friday when I was at work.  It made me feel so special, just knowing that someone cares.

Once all the food prep was done I decided to sit down and catch up on some blog reading.  I read Tina’s post on how other’s love you and how you need to let other’s love you.  I started crying.  Her blog spoke to me today.  I have the hardest time feeling like I’m worth the love others want to give.  I have the hardest time believing in the love that others want to give.  And right now when I feel so alone, I kind of need that reminder that I’m not.

And then 3 hours before dinner Kris calls to let me know that they got an unexpected to babysitter and he was taking Erin out for dinner for Valentine’s Day.  And I broke down in tears again.  I’m not upset.  They don’t owe me anything.  It is not there fought that I am craving company.  That I want to be surrounded by people who do care about me.

It seems like the tears come a little to easily these days.

So hopefully Stacy will be here to enjoy my dinner with me.  

The other recipe I made was Thai Beef Patties.  I’ll share that recipe when I actually eat it 🙂

Have a wonderful rest of your Sunday.

Survive

It’s been three days since I posted.  It’s hard to write when you’re treading water just trying to survive.

Somethings, like taking pictures of my eats, doesn’t seem that relevant when my life feels like it’s spiraling out of control.

I feel lost.

I feel stuck.

I feel sad.

And I feel like I have to pretend that it’s not as bad as it is, for my daughter’s sake.

I’ve talked briefly about the conflicts that I have with my parents, but recently things have gotten worse.  No one will really understand how bad it is unless I go back…. I would have to go back years, for someone to truly understand what it is that I’m going through.  Most people have someone to go through these trials and tribulations with, but right not I feel like I’m on my own.

I’ve learned recently that people who I trusted, people who I considered friends, really aren’t.

Do you know what it feels like to not really know who or what to trust?  That the time where you really, really need someone no one is there.

I continue to get out of bed every morning, even though there are times where all I want to do is stay in bed.

I continue to be a mom to Justine, because she deserved nothing less.

I continue through life, because that is what I have to do.  I have to survive.

I know that this is just a phase.  I know that I will work out all of the million things circling my head.  I know that I will come out better, happier.  I haven’t given up.

So I was going to wait to post about this, but I feel like this post needs a positive ending.  Let me tell you.  I’ve had a secret.  I was hiding something from you, from my friends, from my family…. I was a smoker.   A closest smoker.  I only smoked by myself.  When no one I know would see me.  I was embarrassed.  I was embarrassed when i had to go into the store and ask for a pack of cigarettes.  I was embarrassed to be wasting money on something that I KNEW was causing me harm.  26 days ago I decided to quit.  I thought about all those people who lived healthy lives and got sick.  I thought about how unfair it was, and then I thought about myself.  Why am I doing something that could cause me to die?  How would I feel if one day they told me I was sick and it was my fault? I thought of Justine.  So it’s been 26 days and no cigarette, and I am proud.   There were plenty of time I could’ve given in and had a cigarette, but I didn’t. 

Thanks again for listening.

I’ll be back to regular postings tomorrow.

It’s Pizza Pie Day!!!

If you didn’t know, I love my sleep.  I try to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night, even if that means going to sleep at the same time that my 8-year-old does.

I am also not a morning person.  Even if I get my 8 hours of sleep I’m still a little cranky until ohhh… about 10:00 am. 

I work shift work.  Some of my shifts are day work, and the others day evenings.  I hate when I have day work.  It seems when I have to get up between 4:00- 4:30 I spend the rest of the day counting down the hours until I can go back to sleep.

As you must know already, I’ve been working day work this week.

My morning started out with a pretty filling breakfast… two muffins and a smoothie.

I used Yoplait Triple Berry Smoothie mix, since I still have a few coupons to use up before the end of Feb.  They do make a pretty tasty smoothie. 

I didn’t have a morning snack… why you ask?  My coworker brought me chicken minis from Chick fil a.  She knows me so well 🙂  Well, enough to know that even though I had breakfast already this morning, I will not turn down chicken minis.  They are fabulous, especially when you are awake when you really don’t want to be.

Lunch was chili that my mom had made a few days ago.  I paired it with a cornbread vitatop.

Being that today is Pizza Pie Day I decided to make some homemade pizza.  I had made the crust on Monday in my bread machine.  I just used a basic pizza dough recipe.

Topped with onionsNext leftover meatballs and turkey bacon

I had meatballs leftover from Superbowl Sunday and wanted to use up the rest of the turkey bacon that has been sitting in my fridge.

Whenever I make a pizza at home I always try to use real mozzarella cheese.  I love the taste of real mozzarella on pizza.

Blame it on my stomach growling, or my tiredness, but after it was done cooking I forgot to take a picture of it!  Oops!  I will say the pizza was okay.  The dough was good, but the pizza was pretty bland.  It would have been much better if I had use a bbq sauce as the sauce on the pizza.  I thought enough would be on the meatballs, but I was wrong 😦

Dessert made of up for the so-so pizza.  I had two of Liz’s Peanut Butter Pretzel Bites. 

One of each

 And now I’m off to stare at the clock until it’s time for me to go to bed.

 

 

Over Indulged

Last night I had a few to many of these…

Orange juice, pineapple juice, rum, and tequila= yum

Which means that this morning I wasn’t feeling too well.  Which means I didn’t exercise.  Which means I layed on the couch for most of the morning and afternoon asking myself why I would do this to myself… once again.

I did have quite a good time at our Superbowl party, and I did indulge in quite a bit of good food.

I made thewannabechef’s Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Dessert Hummus.  I served it with hazelnut crackers.  I have to be honest when I was making the hummus I wasn’t sure if I was really going to like it.  The verdict was yum.  All the adults liked it.  The kids thinking it was cookie dough put a big spoonful on their plates, but decided against it after tasting it.

I also brought some cheese and crackers and Liz’s Peanut Butter Pretzel Bites which were a big hit!

There was also meatballs, chicken wing, and cheeseburger slides.  I might have indulged in a little bit of everything. 🙂

Today though… I paid for all of those over indulgences.  Ugh.

After tossing and turning, moaning, and sleeping I finally started feeling a little bit better.

A few weeks ago I won a giveaway hosted by the wonderful Mary at Fit this, girlAllied Medal Displays was giving away one of their fabulous displays.  They are mostly for runners to show case their medals, but since I am not a runner, and don’t have any medals I opted to get a display for my jewelry.

I wasn’t sure about hanging it up since the instructions said to use a power drill to make the holes for the wall.  Usually I would call my Dad, but there hasn’t been something right between me and my parent’s for a little while now.  I’m not sure what happened but we hardly speak to each other though I usually see them everyday.  It’s tough.  With that tension, I didn’t feel like I could call my Dad for help so instead I got my power drill out

and decided to do it on my own.  It was one of my proudest moments!  Hahahaha.  Really, I was quite proud of myself for doing it on my own.  It just makes me believe that I can do more than I give myself credit for.

Tada!

You should definitely go to Allied Medal Displays and check out all of their great displays.  They were super nice as well!

For my eats today…

Foot Long Chicken Bacon Ranch from Subway

And that is it.  My appetite was nowhere to be found all day. 

Now that I’m feeling better I’m going to do a few things around the house so it won’t feel like today was a complete waste.